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Managing Friends

OS magazine, February/March 2010

Richard Grace, Joint MD Gordon Yates, heads up OS magazine’s regular Career Clinic. Here he gives advice to a reader who is worried about how to manage an admin team that includes some of her friends.

I’ve just been promoted at work, which is great, but in my new role as PA to the MD I now have to manage a small admin team. I feel a bit out of my depth because I’ve never managed anyone before and I’m not sure where to start. What makes it more difficult is that I’m very friendly with a couple of girls in the team and we even socialise together. I’ll feel very awkward telling them what to do. Help – how do I manage this without straining relationships?

Gillian Clark


Congratulations on your promotion! I can understand you’re feeling a bit daunted about the prospect of managing a team, but promise it isn’t as tricky as it sounds. 

Think of it as a positive opportunity to develop your skills. Managing a team is a great way to show what you can do and will help progress your career.

It sounds as if you haven’t been given much guidance on your new role. This is very common; employers often promote people without thinking about the new skills they need for the job. As a starting point, it’s worth asking your boss if you could go on a management course. 

This isn’t the whole answer, of course. Training may give you some handy hints and more confidence, but it won’t transform you into an amazing manager overnight. To get the most out of training, it’s best to focus on specific areas you feel you’re weak in. 

The good news is that you’ve probably already picked up a lot of the management skills you need, without being aware of it. If you’ve been giving informal help and advice to others, as many PAs do, you’ll find that the transition to a management role is easier than you thought. 

There’s a lot of common sense in managing people, and here are a few thoughts that might help.

First, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Why not pick out people in your company who you think are good managers and ask for their advice? They’re likely to be flattered and happy to help.

Talk to everyone in your team about their job and the difficulties they face. Listening will help you work out how you can best support them. 

Treat others as you would want to be treated. For example, delegate, don’t dump tasks. Also, be prepared to muck in when others are under pressure. You’ll be respected for being a team player.

I understand why you’re worried about managing friends, but don’t be. If you feel awkward, clear the air by telling them how you feel. Then treat them exactly the same as everyone else. If anyone expects special consideration, a quiet chat might help. Most importantly, when you go out socialising together, make it a rule to avoid talking about the office!

Finally, there’s a big learning curve in managing people for the first time. Take it slowly and give yourself time to develop. Accept that you won’t get it right all the time. Be yourself, do your best and don’t beat yourself up when you get it wrong. You obviously care about doing a good job and I’m sure you will. Good luck. 

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